Dear Rental Home,
I find this picture personally ironic, due to what is not seen here. Though the items that are displayed on the window sill are meant for neatness and cleanliness, what lies beneath is absolutely the opposite. When examined more closely, this picture is tip of the iceberg short of what poor condition you were in when we moved here. What is worse is there is nothing I can do about it. I am older than you by a year. I was told by our former neighbor that parties were had here, and admission was charged to people who came. For what it is worth, your rooms are not large enough for such parties, so proves the poorly patched former holes in the wall that are below waist level. What further boggles the mind is the level at which all towel racks are hung (about two and half feet off the ground.) Who in the world lived here? With the age of the house, there could have been many types of tenants. All I know from the clues left behind and my acute ability of deductive reasoning is that:

• The people that lived here had a extreme reflex issues leaving the walls pock-marked
  
• Only dwarves (sorry, little people) used the bathrooms
• Whomever attempted to retile portions of the shower walls was color-blind (there is a difference between ecru and off white)
• You have your choice of dark and light grout between the tiles throughout the house.
  
• Caulking fixes everything.
  
• The renter is only obligated to care for half of the front landscape. The other half is your own personal and/or public landfill.

I wanted a house. Since I am a married college student, putting the Other Half through Grad school, you were my only option at the time. So, in the meantime, I will try to be better to you. But don't get too used to it. (CSI has nothing on me.)